Thank you

Directed by: Anees Bazmee

Starring: Akshay Kumar, Bobby Deol, Sonam Kapoor, Irrfan Khan, Rimi Sen, Suniel Shetty, Celina Jaitley

Released: 2011

I never have great expectations from Anees Bazmee, but he made it to a completely new level of turning me off with „Thank you“. The title itself is good for nothing, as it doesn´t really capture anything the films is about. But maybe that was the aim, because who would watch a film titled for example „Cheating on your partner is fun“ or „Immoral guide how to mislead the gullible females“? Because that is what you should expect if you ever have enough courage to hit the play button of this film.

Bobby, Irrfan and Suniel are three friends, all married (to Sonam, Rimi and Celina respectively) and all ungrateful kaminas, who will not let any opportunity to lift somebody´s skirt pass. Irrfan is the most experienced cheater, while Suniel and Bobby are learning from him. And it is all oh so much fun up until the moment Sonam (I really did not bother to remember the character´s names) starts suspecting something may stink in her little homely paradise. What to do? Her friend Rimi and Celina advice her to hire a detective, who will spy on Bobby and report his findings to her. And thus we are introduced to a saviour of marriages, protector of love, a true Mohabbat-man, Akshay Kumar. And he comes to them with a revelation – their husbands are bored.... What follows is anything but innovative line of women trying to humiliate their husbands and the husbands trying to conceal their affairs and turning against each other in attempts to save their own skin. If there is a humor in there somewhere, I guess I missed it.

The three kaminas

Plot-craters are plenty, music below-average and the moral of the story is either none (the better case) or puke-worthy (So it is OK and fun when husband cheats on his wife, but when a wife cheats on her husband it´s gross and major sin, but it is still the most right thing to do to teach your other half a lesson, after which you both have to forgive and love each other faithfully for the rest of eternity..... what?). And also, since women are just really dumb creatures, they need a man (Akshay) who has never met them before to tell them how to behave. While the thought of forgiving one affair remains an acceptable option (though not in the circumstances presented by the film), who would forgive a notorious cheater, who by the way treated you all your life like a piece of shit?

The three gulliable creatures (commonly reffered to as "women")

Already under water, the ship with the name „Thank you“ sinks even into greater depths of cringe-worthy under the weight of awful performances. Akshay Kumar does his usual with the change of not being funny at all. Irrfan Khan delivers with an ease some kinda funny one-liners, but overall is wasted. Suniel Shetty has more like a blink and miss appearance. Bobby Deol just doesn´t deliver in any department. Celina Jaitley is watchable, though has about ten minutes and ten sentences in the whole movie, Sonam Kapoor proves she cannot act to save her life. Her dialogue delivery is awful, voice modulation non-existent, expressions painfully limited and body language as well. The only saving grace is Rimi Sen, who steal whatever is left to be stolen. She is natural, funny and likeable, though even she looses her identity once the film reaches the climax.

Vulgar, pointless and sexistic, not worthy of first viewing, leave alone the second. The worst film of 2011 for sure.

"Kill the author of this review! Now"

7 Khoon Maaf

Directed by: Vishal Bhardwaj

Starring: Priyanka Chopra, Neil Nitin Mukesh, John Abraham, Irrfan Khan, Aleksandr Dyachenko, Annu Kapoor, Naseeruddin Shah, Vivaan Shah

Released: 2011

I had NO expectation whatsoever, because even though I like Priyanka, I wouldn´t call myself a fan, and even though I liked the little bits of the story I´ve heard, I wasn´t sure if it would be good enough - and to be frank I did not like the trailer at all. If anything, I found the movie interesting. From psychological point of view it is an excellent piece of work. Presented in flashbacks, a story of Susanna slowly unfolds in front of us. A young woman, who never loved anyone more then her father (as her mother died too early), just lost her support in life. And with her father´s death she is beginning to look for that one man, who will give her the same amount of love, caring and security. But it is obviously way too much to ask for and Susanna, with every new step she takes on her journey looses her original naivity, innocence and illusions.

Beautiful, young and innocent

This is what marriage does to you!

From everything – the trailers, promo pictures and even the title itself you can be pretty sure what is the film about. Susanna, in her search for love, kills all her husbands, in one way or another. But still, even though you know that she´ll kill them all, you are always eager to know why? They are all very different guys. They have qualities others admire. But they also have some major flaws. And every time Susanna marries, you already wonder just what is wrong with the new guy because there just HAS TO be something....). Equally interesting it is to watch her getting rid of them one by one. Priyanka may be the only performer after Shahrukh Khan that you will feel sorry for even though she´s a mass killer. The scenes were not exactly graphic, but just knowing what is going on in the frame could make you sick (I sure did feel sick several times).

I was somehow confused at first since it is supposed to be 7 murders, but I could only count 6 of them. There are two options, which in my opinion might explain the seventh murder. One theory is that Susanna symbolically killed herself with entering into the order in the end, or that she just as symbolically killed the Christ with her previous sins. If you are familiar with Christianity, I´m sure you´ll understand what I mean. The second theory is much more simple: Susanna felt responsible for the death of her maid and counted that one as one more murder. Or am I really missing something and all this thinking is wrong?

Husband no.1 : Violent, possesive, jealous.

Husband no. 2: Drug addict. (something tells me this is what John wears at home)

Husband no. 3: Poetic and sadistic.

Husband no. 4: Spy and already married.

Husband no.5: Way too horny.

Husband no. 6 : Trying to kill you. Duh.

The story unfolds very naturally, and all the flashbacks are very seamlessly thrown in. As I have mentioned the plot is predictable, but there is still no shortage of surprises, and the ending is brilliant. Only the scene with Susanna having a "vision" was a bit awkward, I would have preferred for her to actually be alone in the room, maybe with some light effects or something...... This was way too much in-your-face and it somehow didn´t have any magic or excitement to it. Still there are not many negatives I can think of right now. What made it were especially the performances.

It is more then safe to claim the film wouldn´t be half as good if it wasn´t for Priyanka. This is her film through and through. In fact she made it so much hers I cannot really picture any other actress in the role. She was perfect. She managed to portray a very complex and atypical character, who – in addition – leads you through her whole life. From naive and innocent Suzie she effortlessly becomes Sultana or Anna, always willing to sacrifice her identity in the name of love. She gets tougher and tougher with each wrong step she takes, and it costs her dearly. Energy and vivaciousness are vaining, until she becomes a wreck. And from there she again manages to rise – and do the most sensible decision of her life. She is not somebody you would hate, and puts you into a strange position with her ability to make you sympathize with her despite all those things you know are just wrong. But in the end of the day you cannot help but feel her insecurity, which results into trusting easily and not minding changing the religion. With Susanna, who is a bit Christian, bit Hindu, bit Muslim and bit who knows what else, you get a clear message: God is Love, no matter how you call Him. I was also glad that even though Priyanka was presented beautifully and sexy, there wasn´t anything vulgar about her portrayal.

Love doesn´t care....

...for nationality...

...or religion.

Though they all had a limited screen space, the husbands manage to hold their own. The weakest is John Abraham, but that doesn´t come exactly as a surprise. Mr. Shah was my favourite, but I might be a little biased in his favour (cause I simply love him!). Irrfan Khan too does a brilliant job, and Russian actor Aleksander Dyachenko too makes a strong impact. The supporting cast too does a good job. I must admit that Susanna´s three faithful servants could scare the heck out of the Addams family any day. The newcomer Vivaan Shah looks very promising and it was very pleasant to see Konkona Sen Sharma in her cameo, even if for several minutes.

Technically the film isn´t the best. Music doesn´t leave any mark with the sole exception of „Darling“, which is a note by note rip off of a popular Russian folk song Kalinka (at least the makers did not try to act as if it was theirs, as it is pretty common in Bollywood).

7 Khoon Maaf doesn´t exactly deliver when it comes to emotions and connecting with the audience, there is no message either. For me it was a fascinating psychological trip into a soul of a woman desperately searching for love. It is a dark film, not fit for you if you get easily depressed.

Aaja Nachle

Directed by: Anil Mehta

Starring: Madhuri Dixit, Konkona Sen Sharma, Kunal Kapoor, Vinay Pathak, Irffan Khan, Divya Dutta, Ranvir Shorey, Akshaye Khanna

Released: 2007

There are things in this world that my brain simply cannot understand. Maths is one of them. I simply don´t get it. Or why every time I think I´m alone and can sing using a comb as a microphone, somebody just has to turn up. Or why did Aaja Nachle had so little success in India. That film had everything you could ask for. A perfect entertainer. It never promised to be anything else. And it worked. It worked great. So..... what exactly went wrong? The truth is that overseas Aaja Nachle did well, even became hit in Canada, and it seems it will be one of those unsuccessful movies, that will stand the test of time nontheless, after all it is one of the most sought out DVDs.

Madhuri Dixit is back was screaming the trailer. And the same thing decorated all the posters. After Devdas in 2002 Madhuri settled permanently in the US with her husband and gave birth to two boys, and Aaja Nachle was her „comeback“ vehicle. It is actually interesting to see parallels between Madhuri´s real life and the film story she has chosen to do after the hiatus.

I´m back and my smile is more gorgeous than ever!

New York is full of NRIs. Forget for a moment there are Saif and Preity running around somewhere while Shahrukh is singing Kal Ho Naa Ho, and focus on a certain dance studio. It belongs to Diya, who teaches others to dance. She is divorced, raising a daughter, and overally quite satisfied with her life. But then a call from India comes and it seems that the man who once taught her to dance (and live, as we come to know a bit later) is on his deathbed. Without a second though Diya packs her things and together with her child catches the next plane to India, uncertain of what she might find. Because eleven years ago, she secretly run away from her native, sleepy and dusty little town of Shamli, following her heart and an American man, who had promised to love her forever (yadda yadda yadda...... sometimes watching Hindi films doesn´t help in life). Her parents were forced to leave the town in embarassement, her fiancé suffered a heavy heart-break, her guru (largely blamed for seeding that silly stubborness and independence in her) ostracised and her name became a synonym of shame.

Upon her arrival Diya finds out her guru has just passed away, and left her a mission: to save Ajanta theater, a place that once was full of life, dance, songs, and was pretty much the only source of entertainment for the locals. But ever since Diya has run away, Ajanta remained empty, because other parents did not want their children to „be another Diya“. And now the old theater is to be demolished to make place for a new shopping mall (globalization, here we come!). Deeply disturbed Diya pleads (well, if you want to call it like that, because she is a rather tough cookie) with local MP Rajasaab, but he refuses to stop the demolition. However he is amused (and she outraged) and they make a deal. If in two months Diya manages to pull off a theatrical performance starring the local people, and will gain success from the audience, Ajanta will remain untouched. If not, it will be torn down. Diya is full of optimism, but it turns out her bad reputation is still too well known in the city, plus there seems to be not one talented person, whom she could use in her planned adaptation of Laila-Majnu...

Just what did I want to say...?

Oh yeah. It´s cool to have five fingers.

Sure she´s going to win in the end, against all odds. After all...... this is Madhuri Dixit we are talking about! And the villains are made of vanilla, especially the „bad guy“ Raja. None of the characters is primarily bad or evil. They just usually suffer from some shortcoming. One lusts power, other lusts money, and another lusts Madhuri (though that is not a shortcoming, that means he is a normal guy). There are many characters in Aaja Nachle, and you cannot help but to love them all. The main romantic subplot is happening between Konkona Sen Sharma in the role of a tomboy Anokhi and a goon Kunal Kapoor as Imran, and they both are excellent. Their chemistry is beautiful to watch and they compliment each other well, be it in acting or looks. Their jodi is one of my favourites, and I´m keeping a faint hope of seeing them again sometime in the future. They both go through a change. While Imran realizes that even strong macho guys can sing, dance, love and not be embarrased, Anokhi realizes that she doesn´t have to change inside to get her boy, but one should look after herself a bit, and she too matures, seeing that love just may not be a kid´s game. Especially Konkona was wonderful, very vivacious and full of energy, absolutely unashamed in her deglamorized avatar.

Original

Makeover no. 1 - not working.

Makeover no 2 . - hell YEAH!!

Don´t you ever dare to say again that Koko is not stunning.

Then we have other loveable people out there. I´m a big Vinay Pathak fan, and he simply delivers quality in Aaja Nachle, as a nerdy, boring husband, who realizes his wife just might not be that hapy with him. There is excellent Ranvir Shorey, demure and devoted and still dreaming of getting married to Diya. There is Divya Dutta as opressed woman of a big businessman, who simply wants to dance and feel alive again. And others.... and others......

And there is Madhuri. No, the role was not a challenging drama, that would prove her acting ability. Why should it be so, in the first place? This is a woman who proved herself countless times. She didn´t make this film to prove to others how amazing she is. She did it, because she liked it. She did it for her fans. And she did it, because she wanted to do, what she does best: entertain and make you forget everything else for a moment. Even in this „non-challenging“ role she is brilliant. Her screen presence remained undiminished, her dialogue delivery and expression perfect, her dancing ability made everyone go wow all over again. Not to mention she was a heroine without a hero, carried the film on her shoulders. Although there is Akshaye Khanna as a possible love interest (and my, do they have amazing chemistry!), his is only a guest appearance and Diya´s lovelife is not even remotely the plot of the movie. That is theater, dance, culture, tradition. And it is all fun and beautiful.

Mohan living his dream..... in his dream.

She smiled at me!

AT MEEEE!!!!!

The real gem of Aaja Nachle is the 20 minutes long play at the end. The legend of Laila and Majnu has been presented in a very short span of time, and visually it´s just wonderful. People kept complaining about the unrealisticly quick changing of the sets, but did any of them try to think? The play in „real“ must have been at leas 2 hours long. What we saw were only 20 minutes of it. Are you following me? Why didn´t anyone complain about the same thing in Om Shanti Om during the song Dastaan? In the end Aaja Nachle is a only film and some liberties were taken. So what? Did Salman flying over the roofs in Dabangg look realistic? Did Aamir Khan delivering a baby with a vacuum cleaner look realistic? Why they can allow to be unrealistic and Madhuri cannot? Aaja Nachle is in fact much more realistic then many hit films.

Madhuri and the most dysfunctional theater company

Some complaints against the story could have been very easily silenced, had the deleted scenes stayed in the movie. Because from those we learn that Diya is planning a big Broadway musical (hence obviously has considerable income plus knows how to do a producer´s job of getting money for a project), that she in the end finds her parents (hence its clear she indeed was looking for them) etc etc.... Agreed, it doesn´t make sense why her daughter has a strong Indian accent, and she also can be a bit annoying. Yes, it is weird that the policeman learns the whole role in mere minutes. It is also weird how all the extras learned their roles so well, since we have seen very little of their rehearsals......

The music was amazing. One of my favourite soundtracks, and definitely underrated. True the „Dance with me“ track leaves even me cold, but it only appears in the film to set the mood, introduce the character of Diya, and to show you Madhuri can do anything on the dance floor. O Re Piya, arguably the best track from the album, occupies a powerful spot among my most favourite Hindi songs. Aaja Nachle is already a legendary dance number (great job by Vaibhavi Merchant) and the song is very popular. And the Laila-Majnu music is wonderful, capturing and „decorating“ the narration perfectly.

What you cannot take away from Aaja Nachle is amazing use of colours.

Whenever I hear about Laila-Majnu story, this is what I remember.

 

 

Aaja Nachle did not deserve to be an all-time blockbuster. But it definitely deserved to be a hit. Performances were amazing, music wonderful, choreography great, story nice, cinematography beautiful, direction very able. And there was that lovely feeling that makes you happy, while you watch (something the post-2005 films largely lack). A perfect, bit fluffy, very much colourful entertainer with a message, that despite globalization, which is not all that bad and to an extent necessary, it is still important not to let go of your roots and to preserve what the ancestors preserved for centuries. Maybe it didn´t sink in well with traditional Indians, since the heroine was somebody who did not hesitate to run away from an arranged marriage, and now is divorced, single-mother, successful and obviously not in desperate need for a man. I don´t know. As I said, it´s on of the things on this earth that remains mystery to me.