Parivaar

Directed by: Shashilal K. Nair

Starring: Mithun Chakraborthy, Meenakshi Sheshadri, Shakti Kapoor

Released: 1987

A film about a tightly knot family consisting of a man, two orphans, a monkey and a dog. Yes, you heard right. And if the children´s tears leave you cool, the crying dog and sobbing monkey will make up for it (maybe). But here we are running too much ahead....

Birju is an honest con artist, who is raising two children, whom he both had found as babies trown away by their parents. To earn a living for them, himself and two faithful beasts – a monkey and a German sheperd dog, he slogs day and night, but never complains, because the closeness and love between all the members of this curious parivaar makes up for all the possible hardships. Where would Birju find a time for love? However a fate brings love straight to his home. Being thrown out of the house by her in-laws because of in-suficient dowry, a young woman Anita tries to commit suicide, but is rescued by the joint effort of the two small kids and their two animal companions (let´s not question the near impossibility of the deed, after all this film is not short of miracles and WTFs).

Looking high but happy.

She finds a comforting shelter in a poor hut Birju shares with his family, and taking the matters of the house into her own hands she seems to be completely happy and satisfied in the new sorroundings short of wealth but not of love and appreciation. But nothing is permanent and soon it seems that the parivaar shall be torn apart, because the dowry Anita had lost previously, is now found, and her husband would like to claim it...

The main leads are Mithun Chakraborthy and Meenakshi Sheshadri (I wanted to see the film for her, because it´s actually pretty difficult to find her films), and even though Meenakshi has less screen-space, she and her character prove that screen-space is not everything. Except for several dubbed crying scenes and rather brow-raising rescue by the children she is pleasant to watch. She has something that makes her different from other Indian actresses, and maybe because she doesn´t remind one of Sridevi in any way she got her share of success even during the greatest Sridevi craze in the mid-80s. Her dancing is amazing and in the song Ram Bakht Hanuman she expresses so much pain she feels (both mental and physical) your heart goes out to her.

The heart-stealer!

Mithun does the usual righteous, poor and lecturing others role, which I´ve seen him doing quite a few times already. He seems to be very comfortable with these kinds of characters and so delivers a good performance without much effort. The children, especially the girl, were good. The animals are way smarter then all the other famous beasts put together (yes, even more then the pigeon from Maine Pyar Kiya or Tuffy from Hum Aapke Hain Koun!) and they handle everything from offering in a mandir to driving a car to catch the bad guys.

Yo, problem?

The story itself is interesting enough and has substance, but could have been handled better, and the film overall suffers - from being an 80s film! Too many unnecessary scenes and subplots. Too many scenes in serious need of being shorter. Too many illogical things. Too many miracles. Some really WTF stuff (like when the monkey at the end turning into Hannuman and jumping all around, setting the place on fire). 

Hmm. Seems legit.

No disrespect to hinduism, but there was some serious and less then impressive overuse of godly interventions. And let-us-put-this-crap-into-it-as-well-it-will-be-rocking-like-hell ending action scene, in which for whatever reason is always the WHOLE cast including the two kids, the monkey and the dog.... the latter two save everybody´s sitting parts.

You shall not pass.

You shall not pass.

You shall not pass.

You guys watch too much Lord of the Rings!

Bobby

Directed by: Raj Kapoor

Starring: Rishi Kapoor, Dimple Kapadia, Pran, Prem Nath, Farida Jalal

Released: 1973

To people who started their Bollywood journey with the kinds of films like Dilwale Dulhania Le Jayenge, Maine Pyar Kiya or Qayamat Se Qayamat Tak, the basic story of „Bobby“ will not bring anything new. It is one of the films that needs to be seen in a context of its own time, when it was probably the first movie about teenage romance between a rich boy and a poor girl. Bobby was a trendsetter and as such it should be approached by the viewers today. Before they condemn the plot-line as „seen a million times“, they should realize that at the time of its release nobody has seen the plot yet...

Rishi in his pre-sweater era.

Debuting and sweet.

Wealthy with money but somehow deprived of family love, Mr. and Mrs. Nath send their little son Raj to be brought up in a boarding school in England, partly as a punishment for his willful childish behaviour and partly because they do not really want to bother with him (probably having no idea what to do with him either). So the kid grows up into a perfect 70s stylish Rishi Kapoor, a good and just boy who only longs for his parents´ appreciation. Upon his return home he is indeed welcomed by reasonably excited mum and dad, but just like when he was a child, he is largely left to himself. Up until a moment he spots a young girl on a party, and while the famous European classic Danube Waves melody plays in the background, he lets himself to be charmed. Soon he falls in love with Bobby (I was kinda confused when I found out that was a girl´s name, but whatever...) and she returns his feelings. 

The girl´s family is at first not excited about a rich guy getting involved with Bobby, fearing the reaction of his family, but thinking about the girl´s happiness and wishes they are willing even to bend their backs in front of her potential father-in-law. However the aristocratically snobby Pran accuses them of trying to ensnare his rich son to get money, and after some more insulting everything seems to be ruined for the young lovers. You know the routine. There is of course more to the film, including a song about a girl and a boy in a locked room, lovers getting hurt, lovers getting teary and lovers willing to sacrifice lives but not love. Rishi even gets his own towel scene, not that different from what his son would one day do in Saawariya. There is his father insulting her father some more and her father threatening his father afterwards. And there is the inevitable happy ending.

Rishi´s very own towel scene. Like father, like son....

 There is sweetness and freshness in the film, that somehow managed to overcome the years and charms as much as it did back then. It may be the Raj Kapoor´s direction or maybe Rishi Kapoor´s puppy eyes, or perhaps simplicity of debuting Dimple Kapadia, or maybe everything and more put together. A person not to be forgotten is Farida Jalal. One of the most loved „screen mothers“ appears only for several minutes, however such is an impact she makes as a mentally challenged girl, it is impossible to forget her. Pran of course, is as delightfully intense as ever, not exactly evil, but not a guy to be messed up with either.

Bobby was the main heroine, but I´m team Farida! She was heartbreaking.

Bobby is definitely, even today, a sweet romance of the best kind, succeeding in making nostalgic even those, who were born years after it first released.

Thank you

Directed by: Anees Bazmee

Starring: Akshay Kumar, Bobby Deol, Sonam Kapoor, Irrfan Khan, Rimi Sen, Suniel Shetty, Celina Jaitley

Released: 2011

I never have great expectations from Anees Bazmee, but he made it to a completely new level of turning me off with „Thank you“. The title itself is good for nothing, as it doesn´t really capture anything the films is about. But maybe that was the aim, because who would watch a film titled for example „Cheating on your partner is fun“ or „Immoral guide how to mislead the gullible females“? Because that is what you should expect if you ever have enough courage to hit the play button of this film.

Bobby, Irrfan and Suniel are three friends, all married (to Sonam, Rimi and Celina respectively) and all ungrateful kaminas, who will not let any opportunity to lift somebody´s skirt pass. Irrfan is the most experienced cheater, while Suniel and Bobby are learning from him. And it is all oh so much fun up until the moment Sonam (I really did not bother to remember the character´s names) starts suspecting something may stink in her little homely paradise. What to do? Her friend Rimi and Celina advice her to hire a detective, who will spy on Bobby and report his findings to her. And thus we are introduced to a saviour of marriages, protector of love, a true Mohabbat-man, Akshay Kumar. And he comes to them with a revelation – their husbands are bored.... What follows is anything but innovative line of women trying to humiliate their husbands and the husbands trying to conceal their affairs and turning against each other in attempts to save their own skin. If there is a humor in there somewhere, I guess I missed it.

The three kaminas

Plot-craters are plenty, music below-average and the moral of the story is either none (the better case) or puke-worthy (So it is OK and fun when husband cheats on his wife, but when a wife cheats on her husband it´s gross and major sin, but it is still the most right thing to do to teach your other half a lesson, after which you both have to forgive and love each other faithfully for the rest of eternity..... what?). And also, since women are just really dumb creatures, they need a man (Akshay) who has never met them before to tell them how to behave. While the thought of forgiving one affair remains an acceptable option (though not in the circumstances presented by the film), who would forgive a notorious cheater, who by the way treated you all your life like a piece of shit?

The three gulliable creatures (commonly reffered to as "women")

Already under water, the ship with the name „Thank you“ sinks even into greater depths of cringe-worthy under the weight of awful performances. Akshay Kumar does his usual with the change of not being funny at all. Irrfan Khan delivers with an ease some kinda funny one-liners, but overall is wasted. Suniel Shetty has more like a blink and miss appearance. Bobby Deol just doesn´t deliver in any department. Celina Jaitley is watchable, though has about ten minutes and ten sentences in the whole movie, Sonam Kapoor proves she cannot act to save her life. Her dialogue delivery is awful, voice modulation non-existent, expressions painfully limited and body language as well. The only saving grace is Rimi Sen, who steal whatever is left to be stolen. She is natural, funny and likeable, though even she looses her identity once the film reaches the climax.

Vulgar, pointless and sexistic, not worthy of first viewing, leave alone the second. The worst film of 2011 for sure.

"Kill the author of this review! Now"

Gandhi to Hitler

Directed by: Rakesh Ranjan Singh

Starring: Raghuvir Yadav, Neha Dhupia, Avijit Dutt

Released: 2011

One could hardly find two personalities that deeply influenced the society and history and yet were so completely dissimilar then Mahatma Gandhi and Adolf Hitler. One with smile bore each injustice and suffering, refusing everything earthly as meaningless, the other longing for power over the nations and with head full of Nazi nonsense. These two man, living on different sides of the world, shared the same era. One is today remembered nearly as a saint, the other can easily pass off the greatest example of human cruelty.

The film starts with several quotes from letters which once Gandhi indeed sent to Hitler. We will never know if Hitler actually read those, but for the sake of the script let´s say he did. As the narrator clears out at the very begining, the movie is not about the Adolf Hitler the feared powerful beast, but about Adolf Hitler moping away in his hideout while the Russians are closing in and the war is about to end. That is basically everything we see. Hitler walking around two room and one corridor, Gandhi endlessly going somewhere talking wisdom, and an Indian legion on the run before Russians (more about that one later).

I was really hoping this would be good, but my, what an utter waste of celluloid. The whole concept of the film is completely insane really. The Nazis, The Russians, the French, everyone is played by Indians, which especially in the case of the Nazis is ridiculous (though it gave me a funny feeling of satisfaction thinking how they much have all rolled over in their graves.) 

Hand up who looks like a real Nazi.

Are you kidding me?

Historical inacuracies are bound to happen, and as long as the films is good can be forgiven if not forgotten, however that is not the case here. As terrible or pitiful as they were, the historical figures are presented as complete caricatures and there is hardly anything that would link the film character with the real person except for the name. In case of Eva Braun, who is in the titles mentioned as Eva Brown, not even that. Neha Dhupia, playing Eva, does a good job in her role though, and even looks European enough to pass off as Hitler´s lover. Raghuvir Yadav as Hitler too begins as fairly impressive, sadly later on he becomes a freak shaking like a pudding.

To hear „Germans“ speaking Hinglish was way too bizzare.

The (rather non-existent) Gandhi line of the story and Hitler moping are just two of the three storyline, the third one being about a lost Indian legion. Indians, originally fighting under the command of Great Britain, taken into German captivity, form a legion to fight alongside the Nazis, but as the end of the war draws near (and so do Russians) some of them are trying to escape from Europe and return to India (apparently on foot). This storyline held the greatest potential and could have saved a lot, however the action sequences are anything but thrilling, the characters have no scope to show any real depth and the Himalayas do not look like Alps. In the end one wishes the whole storyline was just not there at all, and at times one is almost relieved when we return to the moping Hitler.

The editing is not exactly confusing, but it practically tears continuity apart.

The film posters boasted with the line: „A Masterpiece on world peace“. More then the intended message of how goodness an humility conquers all you get the message that it sucks to be locked away in a bunker when you can do some trekking.

Quickies I.

Just quick takes on several different films.....

FASHION

Directed by: Madhur Bhandarkar
Starring: Priyanka Chopra, Kangana Ranaut, Arbaaz Khan
Released: 2008

This did not look like a Bollywood movie at all..... and it works great, though I must admit it´s not a film I would like to watch again, definitely not the whole thing at one time. Priyanka was brilliant, especially in the second part, looked absolutely fabulous, but I must admit I was even more smitten by Kangana´s performance as Shonali. This was the film that made me love her - and then the love was taken away by Tanu weds Manu and Game.... but here the magic still prevails. As far as her performance goes it was THE EXPERIENCE for me. The movie was really a girl´s show from the beggining to end, though Arbaaz deserves a mention. Sometimes it happens to me, that the three hours, which a is a regular time for Bollywood movies, are just tooooooo damn long. I did not have this feeling during this movie.

It was nice to see Konkona and Ranvir, whom both I love, but let´s face it: that scene was simply good for nothing, because it was not related to the story in any way, hence it didn´t really work even as a special appearance. Music was nice, but nothing much to talk about. No songs. In this particular case thank God for that.

Brilliant movie. Now I need to go and watch Hum Aapke Hain Koun to get me out of depression. Joote Do Paise Lo.....!!!!!!
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WAKE UP SID

Directed by Ayan Mukerji
Starring: Ranbir Kapoor, Konkona Sen Sharma, Anupam Kher
Released: 2009

I had no idea what the plot is, all I knew it has Koko and Ranbir. And they were both just great in this nice, slow and charming movie!!! I thoroughly enjoyed the beggining, because Sid had the same illness as me - procrastination!!!! Pity his friends kinda disappeared after first 30 minutes, but in the end they were really not too important for the story. I really liked the plot - no dramatic over the top situations, just simple tale of a man finally growing up...... and for once the growth of love was understandable, enjoyable and BELIEVABLE!!!

As I already said, Ranbir was great. I love the guy! And Koko is brilliant. I would so love to see her in more movies. She does not have a nice profile, but otherwise she is IMO much more gorgeous then Katrina or Sonam. And her talent is unquestionable.

Very enjoyable movie, that slows down a bit in the second half. The word I would describe it would be "refreshing".
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TAAL

Directed by: Subhash Ghai
Starring: Aishwariya Rai, Akshaye Khanna, Anil Kapoor
Released: 1999

Movie that is anything but exciting. Full of half-baked characters, out of whom only Anil had something that would interest you. But there are definitely some plus poits. One was Aishwarya - I don´t know whatever has happened to her nowdays, but she used to be so adorable! I mean - she was so very natural in this film, it was sheer pleasure to watch her. I´m also a fan of her simple look without much make-up and jewellery, so this worked as well. She danced BEAUTIFULLY. Another plus point was Anil - his acting was a highlight. And then there is BEAUTIFUL title song that is absolutely magical. I loved the picturization as well. In fact the whole soundtrack of Taal can be definitely labeled as one of the best Rahman´s albums. Pity not all the voices used suited Aishwariya...

I was SHOCKED to see Amrish Puri was not a bad guy!!! That is something that just isn´t right...

And I will never understand why Bollywood heroines so often love the most impossible jerks. Akshaye´s character was purely annoying to me (and mind you, I adore Akshaye!). He was just too sure of himself!!! And then he gave away the finale halfway through the film!!! "You will send her to me, she will come out of her own decision...." blah blah blah..... And then to ensure his success in the end he decides to use a CUTE DOG as a weapon!!!! Now that is EMOTIONAL BLACKMAILING!!!!

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MOHRA

Directed by: Rajiv Rai
Starring: Akshay Kumar, Raveena Tandon, Naseeruddin Shah, Suniel Shetty
Released: 1994

The greatest strengh of this movie is the plot no doubt. And it is also (together with the somehow psychotic Naseeruddin Shah) the only saving grace. The first hour was somehow boring and full of WTF (the jail was WTF for sure. No police anywhere in sight, prisoners roaming wherever they wanted to....). I never thought much about Akshay as an actor (thought he looked YUMMY here, never liked him anywhere else), and Raveena too was average. The second part of the film is definitely thrilling and has some good moments, but somehow I have overgrown the totally totally evil evil guys and totally totally good good police officers. Once again the twists in the story were great and unexpected. What I hated was the stolen melody - this time from Jesus Christ Superstar.
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BAABUL

Directed by: Ravi Chopra
Starring: Rani Mukherjee, Amitabh Bachchan, Salman Khan, John Abraham, Hema Malini
Released: 2006

The first 90 minutes were like watching Hum Aapke Hain Koun 2 (except Salman did not look cute, more like silly this time) - all was there from warm family relationships, celebratory songs, wedding, pregnancy......... but the magic of HAHK was not present at all. The second part was nothing but boring and the ending was a bit too quick a bit naive - and also ended up on HAHK note. I really liked Rani though, she was awesome and very believable and also Amitabh gave a good performance. The scenes between him and Rani are the highlits and it is interesting to note that Rani had more chemistry with him then with Salman or John. Those two are easily overshadowed by Rani and Big B. Om Puri and Hema Malini whose characters were IMO quite essential to the story, were unnecceserilly and unforgivably sidelined.

Only worth watching for Rani and her interaction with Amitabh.

Ready

Directed by: Anees Bazmi

Starring: Salman Khan, Asin, Paresh Rawal, Mahesh Manjrekar

Released: 2011

I don´t think I even want to describe the basic story here. I was so terribly bored by it, did not one bit cared for it. Or anything in the film for that matter. But for the sake of my usual format of reviews, here comes:

Prem is a laadla and also a pain of his family consisting of parents, aunties and uncles. They believe the way for him to mend his mischievous ways is to get married, and once they find a suitable girl they invite her over. However because of some lying, running away and misunderstandings the real bride is left on the airport and leaves for her friend´s place while and impostor takes her place. Sanjana, posing as the chosen girl, quickly wins over the whole family – except Prem himself. Eventally the love grows between them while they are hanging above a chasm (literally). But Sanjana is a niece of two powerful goons Amar Chaudry and Sooraj Chaudry, who both want to marry her off to their brothera-in-law, because she inherited a big fortune from her mother. Amar and Sooraj are sworn enemies, both on the look out for Sanjana...

K. Asif is turning in his grave

Salman is riding on the success of Dabangg. That´s it. While in Dabangg he gave a solid performance, in Ready he doesn´t bother in the least to make some effort, and either sleep walks through the scenes completely uninterested, or is simply himself. The character of Prem doesn´t have anything from the edginess of Chulbul or sweetness of the Prem from HAHK, though it seemed to me Ready is supposed to be a blend of both with some massala-ish comedy thrown in. And though he looks great for his age, Salman just doesn´t look suitable for the roles of loverboys on this level.

Whatever humour there might be it is taken care of my Salman´s „family“, he himself did not make me even smile. See – if he was so apparently bored by the film, how should it entertain me? But I suffered through it nontheless, hoping there just might be something worth seeing. Not even the cameos by Sanjay Dutt, Kangana Ranaut, Ajay Devgn, Arbaaz Khan and Zarine Khan are exactly worth it, as they all appear in first ten minutes.

The girl who failed to impress

This was my first film with Asin, and I was quite curious about her, must say she didn´t make much of an impression. Her role was unforgivably limited to being artificially bitchy in the first part and completely disappearing in the second. But I guess you don´t refuse a film with Salman Khan. Even if he´s scaring spoilt kids running around a fun fair in a skeleton costume, NOT being funny.

Wasn´t impressed with music, no, not even Dhinka Chika and Character Dheela that kept shouting at me from all sides ever since the promotion of the film started.

Perhaps not worst, but definitely one of the weakest films of 2011 and without a single shade of doubt the most overrated hit of the year. Anees Bazmi is now officially my least favourite director. In the end he doesn´t fail to deliver at least one sexistic message. Prem´s "That´s the first time a woman said something wise" line woke up my feministic side with a roar.

This is how I felt for the most part of the film.

Vivah

Directed by: Sooraj Barjatya

Starring: Shahid Kapoor, Amrita Rao, Anupam Kher, Alokh Nath

Released: 2006

Twelve years after Hum Aapke Hain Koun Sooraj Barjatya decided to strike with another wedding video starring gorgeous heroine, handsome hero, loving families, perfect relationships (except for some minor flaws) lots of sweet songs and chocolates. However while Hum Aapke Hain Koun pulls off the rather non-existent plot brilliantly, Vivah, though there is nothing particularly wrong with it, did not manage to do so, neither it succeeded in recreating the magic.

Alokh Nath and Anupam Kher switched places and so this time Anupam is from the boy´s side, while the other one is raising the girl. She is not his daughter, but an orphaned niece Poonam. Unlike him, his wife doesn´t feel any love for Poonam, simply for the reason she has her own daughter who is dusky unlike perfectly beautiful niece.

Anupam is a father to Prem (Sooraj Barjatya has a thing for this name like Yash Chopra and Karan Johar do for Rahul), on a lookout for a bride. And who would have thought, Alokh Nath is in search for a groom for Poonam. And when these two meet, wedding is in the air.

1994

Twelve years later.

The bride and groom take immediate deep liking to each other. The two families love each other too. And apart from a joined family holiday don´t expect anything from the most of the film. Sadly the songs and romance simply don´t match up to legendary HAHK, and so for most of the film I kept looking at the time line which was moving with a snail speed. I was glad that the two main leads are played by Amrita Rao and Shahid Kapoor, because they both are such beautiful people, you can at least concentrate on them, wishing they had babies in real life, because beauty should be preserved for the next generations, while nothing is going on on the screen. They indeed make a beautiful couple.

And then tragedy strikes. And yet again I just cannot help but to do a little comparism to HAHK – while there the tragedy caused a problem, even thought mainly because of some communication holes more then anything else, in Vivah the tragedy doesn´t change anything at all. And we are heading for a happy ending.

This film is about...

...long meaningful stares...

...and fleeting meaningful gestures.

If you have a diabetes, this is not a film for you. Just five minutes would kill you, that´s how sweet everything and everyone is. They are all good in their roles. But none of the characters on their own are remarkable, and I highly doubt any of the actors would rank their performance in Vivah as their best.

Had it come out before Hum Aapke Hain Koun, I´m sure it would have been revolutionary (the way HAHK was), but since it´s coming a long time after, I couldn´t shake off the feeling that Sooraj Barjatya was simply trying his luck with the same story again. But Shahid Kapoor doesn´t have Salman´s charm. Amrita Rao doesn´t have Madhuri´s energy. And Prem´s nephew is nowhere near Tuffy (anyone else thinks the boy was a replacement of a „cute animal“ which usually is present in these kind of films?)

Vivah is a nice watch for a VERY lazy afternoon, and might be also ideal for putting you to sleep. Because in spite of being nice, it is unforgivably boring as well. In a way it really is what the full title promises: a detailed, idealistic documentary about a highly appropriate “way from engagement to marriage”.

I was just told we don´t  have any more laddoos.

No more laddoos?

We ate them all.

You must be strong Poonam. We have completely run ouf ot laddoos.