Andaz

Directed by: David Dhawan

Starring: Anil Kapoor, Karishma Kapoor, Juhi Chawla, Kader Khan

Released: 1994

Many years before Farah Khan brought to life Main Hoon Na that revolved around a college and terrorism, there was David Dhawan who created a movie based on the two as well. Main Hoon Na is not even remotely a copy of Andaaz, as the two stories are different, and where Farah Khan´s movie changes easily from comedy to family drama and action flick, David Dhawan stayed faithful to what he could do best and maintained the light spirit throughout, yet still I found it curious that the two movies have the same feel. Main Hoon Na, aspiring to be a modern day classic in my book, is of course far superior to Andaaz in every department, being a slick, polished and witty massala of the memorable team Farah-SRK, while Andaaz is what it is: a typical 90s movie with loopholes, bad cinematography and Shakti Kapoor.

Anil Kapoor armed with his trademark moustache and wearing glasses (signifying he is a civilized and educated man this time) comes to a college as a new teacher, however his peaceful nature and young age make him a favourite target of student jokes and tricks. One of the girls in particular disturbs his inner balance – Jaya (Karishma), who, after pulling a practical joke on him, seems to annoy him with every single thing. Anil puts up with everything up until the moment he finds an „I love you“ note addressed to him. He gives it to Jaya (as he believes it was her sending it) without much of an explanation, and thus starts an avalanche of other similar notes. Unknown to him it was not her who sent them, but one of other students trying to avenge for previous punishment, and while Anil thinks he is love object of Jaya´s, she in return believes she is his, building this belief on the I love you notes he keeps giving her „back“

The film is also an unashamed eyeglasses porn.

When truth comes out it is already too late for Jaya, who is head over heels and for real in love with the teacher, and in order to gain his affection leaves the school and moves next door, only to be rejected again and again. Until finally Anil decides to bring home – a wife! Marrying in a hurry he chooses Juhi Chawla in an orphanage, with a conviction him marrying will shoo Jaya away forever. Originally he wanted a woman who could cook, sing, be educated. Juhi is none of that and quite useless, however Anil is not angry for long because she still possesses the erotic female parts and basically the whole second half of the film could be called „The tales of a horny husband“. One song in particular made me stare at the screen in a complete disbelief of what was actually happening! The first 13 seconds will be enough for you to understand!

Karishma, who dominated the first half completely, being adorable with her huge eyebrows and frizzy hair, is immediately sidelined not only by her love interest (now interested only in jumping into bed with the wife at every single opportunity. Compared to the latest Dhawan movies it was all still innocent, which can give you an idea of how distasteful are his films now.), but also the script, which is a shame. Her character henceforth doesn´t really make much sense and looses all the appeal.

You may be wondering by now where the terrorists fit in. They don´t fit in at all – and yet they are present. The „action“ subplot is limited to about three or four short scenes during the film, only to overwhelm it in the last 15 minutes, and basically holding no importance at all. In fact the whole terrorist thing is just a way how to get rid of Jaya in the end.

Let´s get laid darling.

Let´s get intimate!

Actually, let´s get kinky.

I really enjoyed the movie (after all I love myself some 90s with all the cringeworthy stuff and guilty pleasures they represent).It is one of the few rare pictures where I didn´t cringe at Anil Kapoor´s comedy, maybe because he kept the acting rather calm and came of much more convincing than his usual let´s be as loud as possible and let´s put my head forward and bulge my small eyes way of acting „funny“. The ladies steal the show from him (I guess after working with Madhuri and Sridevi he was used to that already anyway), Karishma breathes the life into the story in the first part, Juhi with her gorgeousness and comic sense nobody can match takes over in the second, in spite of being given just an extended cameo. She was a pure delight to watch and left me longing for more.

It´s no Main Hoon Na for sure, but it is worth a shot if you are looking for something fun or if you are missing the naughty but not yet completely over the top vulgar David Dhawan.

Quickies I.

Just quick takes on several different films.....

FASHION

Directed by: Madhur Bhandarkar
Starring: Priyanka Chopra, Kangana Ranaut, Arbaaz Khan
Released: 2008

This did not look like a Bollywood movie at all..... and it works great, though I must admit it´s not a film I would like to watch again, definitely not the whole thing at one time. Priyanka was brilliant, especially in the second part, looked absolutely fabulous, but I must admit I was even more smitten by Kangana´s performance as Shonali. This was the film that made me love her - and then the love was taken away by Tanu weds Manu and Game.... but here the magic still prevails. As far as her performance goes it was THE EXPERIENCE for me. The movie was really a girl´s show from the beggining to end, though Arbaaz deserves a mention. Sometimes it happens to me, that the three hours, which a is a regular time for Bollywood movies, are just tooooooo damn long. I did not have this feeling during this movie.

It was nice to see Konkona and Ranvir, whom both I love, but let´s face it: that scene was simply good for nothing, because it was not related to the story in any way, hence it didn´t really work even as a special appearance. Music was nice, but nothing much to talk about. No songs. In this particular case thank God for that.

Brilliant movie. Now I need to go and watch Hum Aapke Hain Koun to get me out of depression. Joote Do Paise Lo.....!!!!!!
----------

WAKE UP SID

Directed by Ayan Mukerji
Starring: Ranbir Kapoor, Konkona Sen Sharma, Anupam Kher
Released: 2009

I had no idea what the plot is, all I knew it has Koko and Ranbir. And they were both just great in this nice, slow and charming movie!!! I thoroughly enjoyed the beggining, because Sid had the same illness as me - procrastination!!!! Pity his friends kinda disappeared after first 30 minutes, but in the end they were really not too important for the story. I really liked the plot - no dramatic over the top situations, just simple tale of a man finally growing up...... and for once the growth of love was understandable, enjoyable and BELIEVABLE!!!

As I already said, Ranbir was great. I love the guy! And Koko is brilliant. I would so love to see her in more movies. She does not have a nice profile, but otherwise she is IMO much more gorgeous then Katrina or Sonam. And her talent is unquestionable.

Very enjoyable movie, that slows down a bit in the second half. The word I would describe it would be "refreshing".
----------

TAAL

Directed by: Subhash Ghai
Starring: Aishwariya Rai, Akshaye Khanna, Anil Kapoor
Released: 1999

Movie that is anything but exciting. Full of half-baked characters, out of whom only Anil had something that would interest you. But there are definitely some plus poits. One was Aishwarya - I don´t know whatever has happened to her nowdays, but she used to be so adorable! I mean - she was so very natural in this film, it was sheer pleasure to watch her. I´m also a fan of her simple look without much make-up and jewellery, so this worked as well. She danced BEAUTIFULLY. Another plus point was Anil - his acting was a highlight. And then there is BEAUTIFUL title song that is absolutely magical. I loved the picturization as well. In fact the whole soundtrack of Taal can be definitely labeled as one of the best Rahman´s albums. Pity not all the voices used suited Aishwariya...

I was SHOCKED to see Amrish Puri was not a bad guy!!! That is something that just isn´t right...

And I will never understand why Bollywood heroines so often love the most impossible jerks. Akshaye´s character was purely annoying to me (and mind you, I adore Akshaye!). He was just too sure of himself!!! And then he gave away the finale halfway through the film!!! "You will send her to me, she will come out of her own decision...." blah blah blah..... And then to ensure his success in the end he decides to use a CUTE DOG as a weapon!!!! Now that is EMOTIONAL BLACKMAILING!!!!

----------

MOHRA

Directed by: Rajiv Rai
Starring: Akshay Kumar, Raveena Tandon, Naseeruddin Shah, Suniel Shetty
Released: 1994

The greatest strengh of this movie is the plot no doubt. And it is also (together with the somehow psychotic Naseeruddin Shah) the only saving grace. The first hour was somehow boring and full of WTF (the jail was WTF for sure. No police anywhere in sight, prisoners roaming wherever they wanted to....). I never thought much about Akshay as an actor (thought he looked YUMMY here, never liked him anywhere else), and Raveena too was average. The second part of the film is definitely thrilling and has some good moments, but somehow I have overgrown the totally totally evil evil guys and totally totally good good police officers. Once again the twists in the story were great and unexpected. What I hated was the stolen melody - this time from Jesus Christ Superstar.
----------

BAABUL

Directed by: Ravi Chopra
Starring: Rani Mukherjee, Amitabh Bachchan, Salman Khan, John Abraham, Hema Malini
Released: 2006

The first 90 minutes were like watching Hum Aapke Hain Koun 2 (except Salman did not look cute, more like silly this time) - all was there from warm family relationships, celebratory songs, wedding, pregnancy......... but the magic of HAHK was not present at all. The second part was nothing but boring and the ending was a bit too quick a bit naive - and also ended up on HAHK note. I really liked Rani though, she was awesome and very believable and also Amitabh gave a good performance. The scenes between him and Rani are the highlits and it is interesting to note that Rani had more chemistry with him then with Salman or John. Those two are easily overshadowed by Rani and Big B. Om Puri and Hema Malini whose characters were IMO quite essential to the story, were unnecceserilly and unforgivably sidelined.

Only worth watching for Rani and her interaction with Amitabh.

My TOP 10 Hindi songs

Why ten? Well, the list could easily be longer. But in the end I went with those, that I listen to the most. In the bus, in train during my lengthy traveling from home to university city, before I go to sleep.... Whenever there is an opportunity. These are the songs that actually are so beautiful, that I bothered to look out the best lyrics translations – only to fall in love with them even more knowing what magic there is in the words and not just in melody or singer´s voice. And I really love them for the melody, not picturization, however beautiful it might be. So let´s meet my Top 10 Bollywood songs.

10. Tumse Milke – yes, I know this one is not an original, but simply a Hindi version of „When I need you“. But Tumse Milke has innocence and peace to it, which the original lacks. It seems simpler, less forced, more sensitive. Not to mention the words are more romantic. Sung by Suresh Wadkar and Asha Bhosle, it was picturized on Anil Kapoor and Madhuri Dixit for a film Parinda (1989).

9. Main Agar Kahoon – starting off with gentle, music box tinkeling, this is one of the memorable melodies that made part of a magic for Om Shanti Om (2007). Sonu Nigam and Shreya Ghoshal lent their voices to Shahrukh Khan and Deepika Padukone in this utterly romantic song. Result is a sheer beauty.

8. Dilli – something completely different from any other song in the list. This isn´t romantic, not by a long shot. And it is nothing else but pure rock. And it rocks big time. Main melody for a movie No one killed Jessica (2011) set a high standard for song very early this year and I don´t think there shall be many songs to be better or that would even manage to match it. Sung by Tochi Raina, Shriram Iyer and Aditi Singh Sharma, it can be heard during the opening titles of the film, brilliantly setting the mood.

7. Silsila Ye Chaahat Ka – the first Bollywood song I´ve ever heard. It was the voice that completely amazed me. Shreya Ghoshal has been truly gifted. Composed and made for Bhansali´s Devdas (2002) it was used as an introduction for Aishwarya Rai as one of the main characters. And it was probably her most amazing introduction ever.

6. O Re Piya – best song from a very under-rated soundtrack of a very under-rated film Aaja Nachle (2007). Lyrical, poetical, but full of life. The voice of Rahat Fateh Ali Khan is so powerful and engaging that even though I did not understand the lyrics at first, he presented me with a beautiful story full of beautiful images. The song was partly a background score, used for a flashback sequence.

5. Masha Allah – if I could, I would list the whole soundtrack of Saawariya (2007) in here! Because it is probably the most amazing soundtrack ever. In the end I decided that this song should appear in the list, because it was the first one from the album that I heard and immediately was enchanted. Kunal Gajawala with a help of not-enough-praised Shreya Ghoshal sung for Ranbir Kapoor and Sonam Kapoor, as the two were escaping each other in a dreamy, blue world...

4. Pyar Kiya To Darna Kya – maybe it is the most famous Bollywood song ever. And it has reason. It is simply brilliant. Re-written countless times, it was chiseled out to perfection. Picturized on Madhubala, the song was brought to life by Lata Mangeshkar and it is in my opinion by far her best piece ever. The soft melody grows more and more demanding by a second, until it fills you with an indescribable excitement.

3. Maar Daala – the ultimate mujra song. Try to forget for a moment about Madhuri Dixit being beyond words in it (hard, I know) and enjoy the longing, love and beauty of the piece. Brilliant voice of Kavita Krishnamurthy singing absolutely heavenly words will send shivers down your spine. Devdas (2002), just like Saawariya, was simply full of wonderful music.

2. Mere Haath Mein – Sonu Nigam has become my favourite Bollywood singer ever with this song. And Sunidhi Chauhan matched him here without a fail. Amazing, amazing, amazing. I don´t have words to really express what I feel while listening to the song. And the lyrics... oh my.... leave me longing for love... and more love.... just like Aamir Khan and Kajol in Fanaa (2006)!

1. Kismat Se Tum – my favourite Hindi song ever. Composed by the great A.R.Rahman it once again made Sonu Nigam touch my heart. The female vocals were taken care of by Anuradha Pauwal. And yet again the lyrics are indescribably beautiful. And so is everything about the song. From the gentle background singers humming to the clear sound of a flute, everything falls into place and creates a fantasy really. Anil Kapoor and Madhuri Dixit were the lucky ones, who could present the magic to the audience in a film Pukar (2000). 

Salaam-E-Ishq

Directed by: Nikhil Advani

Starring: John Abraham, Vidya Balan, Anil Kapoor, Juhi Chawla, Govinda, Shannon Esra, Salman Khan, Priyanka Chopra, Akshaye Khanna, Ayesha Takia, Sohail Khan, Ishaa Koppikar

Released: 2007

Quite entertaining but without much impact. Non-demanding fun for everybody. Lots of great actors, lots of film references, lots of love and that of many forms. The six couples represent six stories that together have only one thing in common: being love stories in one way or another.

So we have:

1. John and Vidya in a Venezuelan telenovela style story: He is a Hindu, she is a Muslim. But they love each other and just celebrated their wedding anniversary. But then Vidya suffers a serious injury in a train crash, after which she partly looses her memory (yes, that part which included her husband). And now John is sad and miserable and he does all he can to help his wife regain the memories of love......
   
   
   
2. Salman and Priyanka in a typical Bollywood romantic comedy: She is a famous item girl desiring to be next Madhubala, a true heroine with memorable performances. And so she makes up a story about „Rahul“, her true love, to make herself interesting, gain attention and give an impression of her purity (fit for Indian heroine). But then a guy appears and claims to be her true love Rahul... and for the sake of fame she plays along....
   
   
   
3. Anil and Juhi in westernized drama about a failing marriage: They are NRIs living in London with their children. She takes care of the family, he spends his days in the office, where he obviously does nothing but sitting and watching the clock. Then he travels by tube, and one day his eyes fall upon a young girl. And the middle-crisis stricken man begins an affair with her, deceiving his wife......
   
   
   
4. Govinda and Shannon in a typical Bollywood romantic comedy no. 2: He is a taxi driver dreaming about one true love. She is a brash blonde American searching for a guy who promised to marry her, but now is in India to hunt for a nice India bride. Govinda and his taxi are more then helpful, but the groom is escaping all the time. And poor Govinda falls in love....
   
   
   
5. Akshaye and Ayesha in a modernized Bollywood romantic film: They are about to be married, but then Akshaye gets really cold feet and does whatever he can to ruin the wedding. None of those work. And when he finally makes peace with his marriage, Ayesha finds out something that makes her call the whole wedding off. And Akshaye realizes what a fool he is...
   
   
   
6. Sohail and Ishaa in south-indian-ish comedy: Just got married, both eager to make love..... and never succeding in it! First the house burns down, then some children disturb, then their car breaks give in...... Making love is not easy at all!
   
   
   

All the stories had a potential to be good movies on their own. They were funny when supposed to, they were sad when supposed to, they had beginning and end, they made sense. There was wit, fun, fluff, shirt-less Salman, some teary moments. But with six rather powerful plots full of wonderful chances there is hardly any time to explore them in depth. The actors did not really have a chance to show the real scope of the characters in the limited time they were given. Put all together they create a fun collage, but there is nothing truly remarkable about any of them. Pity. The editing was flawless though, practically seamless.

All the actors are good. Among the men Govinda with his perfect comic timing and priceless expressions stands out the most, among women it is Juhi Chawla with her sensitive approach who has the greatest acting proweness. Special mentions belong to Akshaye Khanna, who yet again proves his versatility, and to Vidya Balan. John, Priyanka, Salman, Ayesha.... all are more like an eye-candies (if they rock your boat, that is). Anil Kapoor without a moustache is a horrendous sight to behold. The most moving (read tear-jerking) story is that of John and Vidya, the funniest and cutest story is the one of Sohail and Isha, but sadly it is given the least footage and serves more like a fun cameo.

There is really not much to review. There are no strong ideas or innovative remarks that would rise in your mind. Enjoy and move on. That´s it.

Biwi no. 1

Director: David Dhawan

Starring: Salman Khan, Karishma Kapoor, Sushmita Sen, Anil Kapoor

Released: 1999

I could hardly believe that a movie like Biwi no. 1 could actually be such a hit. In fact Biwi no. 1 is one of the most atrocious Bollywood movies I have seen and with its cringeworthiness triumphs even over a „gem“ like Raja Hindustani. The not-so-original story goes as follows – Prem (who else then Salman Khan with this name, right?) runs a successful family company, is seemingly happily married to Pooja (Karishma Kapoor), who manages to cook, worship, clean, take care of two children, mother-in-law and a dog, and still looks absolutely glamorous. However the marital bliss bores Prem to death and as soon as opportunity arises he starts romancing one of his company´s models Rupali (Sushmita Sen). Rupali does not cook, does not clean and she only takes care of herself, but hey – she is sexy and instead of a saree she wears mini skirts. And since her dream has always been to marry a rich guy, she soon accepts Prem romancing her. By the way – he somehow forgets to tell her he is already married.

The two lovers take a trip to Switzerland (as if there were no other countries in Europe) but all the privacy is lost when they run into Prem´s friend Lakhan (played by Anil Kapoor which results into a vain but constant expectation of him bursting into a notorious song starting with „ram pam pam ram pam pam rampa papam pam pam. . .) and his wife Lovelee (aka Tabu being wasted) and they keep running into them all the more they try to avoid them. Inevitably Rupali learns about Pooja´s existence but Prem quickly comes up with another lie about his marriage being arranged and his wife being mad. Rupali believes it without questioning. Some time after their return Pooja, the biwi no. 1, learns about this biwi no. 2, thanks to her dog, who tracks Prem down to Rupali´s house because he knows it is not appropriate for his Master to spent Karwachauth with some other woman. After this Pooja asks her husband to choose between his mistress and his wife, but only ends up heart-broken as he moves in with Rupali. 

It is really not as it looks like.

Time to turn B.I.T.C.H

What follows is Pooja´s war – even though I stayed unsure if she started it to get her husband back or to make his life hell. There is nothing inovative in the steps she takes against him and most of them are in the end more awkward then funny. As expected I was on her „side“ while watching Prem cheating, but as soon as she herself turns into. . .well . . . a bitch, she lost all my sympathy. In fact, Rupali seemed more appealing at times. The only thing that I appreciated was that the movie did not presented Rupali as being an evil person. All the characters, though, are acting somehow dumb and leave the viewer completely confused everytime. As much as one protests whenever a hero chooses the traditional Indian girl (traditional being the most important part) over a western wanna-be, it wouldn´t be as bad here, since the hero and heroine are already married and have family. But instead we are given the revelation that only if the wife too starts showing some serious skin and doing sexy photoshoots she can win her hubby back. And still – nothing is working (not even the emotional blackmailing of their two children, who do not hesitate to call upon the divine Big B himself to support their cause). Only after Rupali is deceived by Lakhan and leaves Prem he goes back to his family.

Emotional blackmailer no. 1

Emotional blackmailer no. 2

Emotional blackmailer no. 3

It is a film where everybody lies to everybody, nobody really bothers to understand the other, and all except the dog have no idea what to do. All the characters (except the dog again) end up being very unlikeable and one really does not care for them at all. Some atrocious acting involved. While Karishma and Anil Kapoor are stricktly OK, Sushmita Sen leaves no impression, Tabu is wasted and Salman Khan should be banned from ever trying to cry on screen. Saif Ali Khan in a cameo has no chance of saving anything. The children are extremely annoying – and the same word can be used for the musical score. There is not one memorable or even hummable song, and lyrics like „Ishq sona hai, ishq chandi hai, sona, sona, sona, sona“ are everything but golden.

Watch only if you are a MASSIVE Karishma Kapoor fan or are in a masochistic mood.