Players

Directed by: Abbas-Mustan

Starring: Abhishek Bachchan, Sonam Kapoor, Bipasha Basu, Neil Nitin Mukesh, Omi Vaidya, Bobby Deol, Sikander Kher, Vinod Khanna

Released: 2012

How can you take seriously somebody named Charlie Mascarenhas as a mastermind high-class, next-to-supernatural-hero thief? Even more so when he is played by Abhishek Bachchan (who just never learns)? Players (or by a more precise title „Thiefs“) was supposed to be a rocking action packed multi-starrer, but maybe it would have been better if the film was called off once people like Priyanka Chopra and Kareena Kapoor decided to say no to it, because frankly, though the cast is full of known names, none of them really sells on their own.

The „player“ Charlie with his awesome and genius mind, finds his way to super secret information about a transport of a huge amount of gold from Russia to Romania, which immediately becomes his next goal. However he´s not naive enough to think he can pull such a robbery off by himself, and so after a consultation with the best of the best players (read „thieves“), the aging and jailed Victor Dada (Vinod Khanna) he puts together a team of the best thieves with different abilities. His romantic interest Rhea (sexy but somehow boring and unpleasant Bipasha Basu) is to be useful in getting information out of certain men, then there are a master-disguiser Sunny (Omi Vaidya), explosives expert Bilal (Sikander Kher), a magician (Bobby Deol) and a hacker Spider (Neil Nitin Mukesh). And of course the super cool Charlie. However soon after actually pulling off the robbery Charlie finds out someone may have outsmarted him.... and there will be a hell to pay.

"Wait. Somebody stole my wallet. Call the police!"

What kills Players are weak and unimpressive performances, artificial dialogues and in spite of some good twist and turns a considerable level of predictability (though the last may be just my problem, I always happen to know the bad guys from the start, don´t ask me how). I actually really liked the first half, as most of the bad acting and questionable script was compensated by a well made action sequence and nice speed that did not give one too much time to analyze. However after the interval it all slowed down and somehow lost purpose and whatever thrill there was left.

We are sitting in the middle of Siberia and whole Russia is looking for us...

...so let´s drink champagne from fancy glasses we did not forget to pack.

Abhishek is someone I never minded, but I still maintain what I´ve been saying for the past year - he needs to STOP acting cool guys with brilliant minds, because he just doesn´t deliver. Perhaps now after Player, Game and Dum Maro Dum flopped he will get the message? Unfortunatelly for him I think it is too late for him to reinvent himself (hoping to be proved wrong). Sonam has definitely improved, she does not make me cringe everytime she opens her mouth anymore, however she disappoints when it comes to anything emotional. There was NO difference in her expression whether she was flirting with Abhishek, casually serving food or wathching her father being shot. Bipasha is someone whom I fail to like, she just doesn´t pick good roles and just like with Abhishek it seems she is only good for one type of roles AKA we´ve seen it all before. Neil is by far the best, however still far from being impressive. All the actors (ironically with the exception of Johny Lever) give you the impression they totally do not care about anything, least of all about acting. 

Let´s lay down the wreaths and bury this film in some dark corner of our minds.

Thank you

Directed by: Anees Bazmee

Starring: Akshay Kumar, Bobby Deol, Sonam Kapoor, Irrfan Khan, Rimi Sen, Suniel Shetty, Celina Jaitley

Released: 2011

I never have great expectations from Anees Bazmee, but he made it to a completely new level of turning me off with „Thank you“. The title itself is good for nothing, as it doesn´t really capture anything the films is about. But maybe that was the aim, because who would watch a film titled for example „Cheating on your partner is fun“ or „Immoral guide how to mislead the gullible females“? Because that is what you should expect if you ever have enough courage to hit the play button of this film.

Bobby, Irrfan and Suniel are three friends, all married (to Sonam, Rimi and Celina respectively) and all ungrateful kaminas, who will not let any opportunity to lift somebody´s skirt pass. Irrfan is the most experienced cheater, while Suniel and Bobby are learning from him. And it is all oh so much fun up until the moment Sonam (I really did not bother to remember the character´s names) starts suspecting something may stink in her little homely paradise. What to do? Her friend Rimi and Celina advice her to hire a detective, who will spy on Bobby and report his findings to her. And thus we are introduced to a saviour of marriages, protector of love, a true Mohabbat-man, Akshay Kumar. And he comes to them with a revelation – their husbands are bored.... What follows is anything but innovative line of women trying to humiliate their husbands and the husbands trying to conceal their affairs and turning against each other in attempts to save their own skin. If there is a humor in there somewhere, I guess I missed it.

The three kaminas

Plot-craters are plenty, music below-average and the moral of the story is either none (the better case) or puke-worthy (So it is OK and fun when husband cheats on his wife, but when a wife cheats on her husband it´s gross and major sin, but it is still the most right thing to do to teach your other half a lesson, after which you both have to forgive and love each other faithfully for the rest of eternity..... what?). And also, since women are just really dumb creatures, they need a man (Akshay) who has never met them before to tell them how to behave. While the thought of forgiving one affair remains an acceptable option (though not in the circumstances presented by the film), who would forgive a notorious cheater, who by the way treated you all your life like a piece of shit?

The three gulliable creatures (commonly reffered to as "women")

Already under water, the ship with the name „Thank you“ sinks even into greater depths of cringe-worthy under the weight of awful performances. Akshay Kumar does his usual with the change of not being funny at all. Irrfan Khan delivers with an ease some kinda funny one-liners, but overall is wasted. Suniel Shetty has more like a blink and miss appearance. Bobby Deol just doesn´t deliver in any department. Celina Jaitley is watchable, though has about ten minutes and ten sentences in the whole movie, Sonam Kapoor proves she cannot act to save her life. Her dialogue delivery is awful, voice modulation non-existent, expressions painfully limited and body language as well. The only saving grace is Rimi Sen, who steal whatever is left to be stolen. She is natural, funny and likeable, though even she looses her identity once the film reaches the climax.

Vulgar, pointless and sexistic, not worthy of first viewing, leave alone the second. The worst film of 2011 for sure.

"Kill the author of this review! Now"

My TOP 10 Hindi songs

Why ten? Well, the list could easily be longer. But in the end I went with those, that I listen to the most. In the bus, in train during my lengthy traveling from home to university city, before I go to sleep.... Whenever there is an opportunity. These are the songs that actually are so beautiful, that I bothered to look out the best lyrics translations – only to fall in love with them even more knowing what magic there is in the words and not just in melody or singer´s voice. And I really love them for the melody, not picturization, however beautiful it might be. So let´s meet my Top 10 Bollywood songs.

10. Tumse Milke – yes, I know this one is not an original, but simply a Hindi version of „When I need you“. But Tumse Milke has innocence and peace to it, which the original lacks. It seems simpler, less forced, more sensitive. Not to mention the words are more romantic. Sung by Suresh Wadkar and Asha Bhosle, it was picturized on Anil Kapoor and Madhuri Dixit for a film Parinda (1989).

9. Main Agar Kahoon – starting off with gentle, music box tinkeling, this is one of the memorable melodies that made part of a magic for Om Shanti Om (2007). Sonu Nigam and Shreya Ghoshal lent their voices to Shahrukh Khan and Deepika Padukone in this utterly romantic song. Result is a sheer beauty.

8. Dilli – something completely different from any other song in the list. This isn´t romantic, not by a long shot. And it is nothing else but pure rock. And it rocks big time. Main melody for a movie No one killed Jessica (2011) set a high standard for song very early this year and I don´t think there shall be many songs to be better or that would even manage to match it. Sung by Tochi Raina, Shriram Iyer and Aditi Singh Sharma, it can be heard during the opening titles of the film, brilliantly setting the mood.

7. Silsila Ye Chaahat Ka – the first Bollywood song I´ve ever heard. It was the voice that completely amazed me. Shreya Ghoshal has been truly gifted. Composed and made for Bhansali´s Devdas (2002) it was used as an introduction for Aishwarya Rai as one of the main characters. And it was probably her most amazing introduction ever.

6. O Re Piya – best song from a very under-rated soundtrack of a very under-rated film Aaja Nachle (2007). Lyrical, poetical, but full of life. The voice of Rahat Fateh Ali Khan is so powerful and engaging that even though I did not understand the lyrics at first, he presented me with a beautiful story full of beautiful images. The song was partly a background score, used for a flashback sequence.

5. Masha Allah – if I could, I would list the whole soundtrack of Saawariya (2007) in here! Because it is probably the most amazing soundtrack ever. In the end I decided that this song should appear in the list, because it was the first one from the album that I heard and immediately was enchanted. Kunal Gajawala with a help of not-enough-praised Shreya Ghoshal sung for Ranbir Kapoor and Sonam Kapoor, as the two were escaping each other in a dreamy, blue world...

4. Pyar Kiya To Darna Kya – maybe it is the most famous Bollywood song ever. And it has reason. It is simply brilliant. Re-written countless times, it was chiseled out to perfection. Picturized on Madhubala, the song was brought to life by Lata Mangeshkar and it is in my opinion by far her best piece ever. The soft melody grows more and more demanding by a second, until it fills you with an indescribable excitement.

3. Maar Daala – the ultimate mujra song. Try to forget for a moment about Madhuri Dixit being beyond words in it (hard, I know) and enjoy the longing, love and beauty of the piece. Brilliant voice of Kavita Krishnamurthy singing absolutely heavenly words will send shivers down your spine. Devdas (2002), just like Saawariya, was simply full of wonderful music.

2. Mere Haath Mein – Sonu Nigam has become my favourite Bollywood singer ever with this song. And Sunidhi Chauhan matched him here without a fail. Amazing, amazing, amazing. I don´t have words to really express what I feel while listening to the song. And the lyrics... oh my.... leave me longing for love... and more love.... just like Aamir Khan and Kajol in Fanaa (2006)!

1. Kismat Se Tum – my favourite Hindi song ever. Composed by the great A.R.Rahman it once again made Sonu Nigam touch my heart. The female vocals were taken care of by Anuradha Pauwal. And yet again the lyrics are indescribably beautiful. And so is everything about the song. From the gentle background singers humming to the clear sound of a flute, everything falls into place and creates a fantasy really. Anil Kapoor and Madhuri Dixit were the lucky ones, who could present the magic to the audience in a film Pukar (2000). 

Minireviews: Romantic comedies of 2010

I hate luv storys

Directed by: Punit Malhotra

Starring: Imran Khan, Sonam Kapoor, Samir Soni

One of the absolutely weakest films of 2010. Let´s face it: Imran Khan is a sweet boy but an average actor and Sonam Kapoor is a pretty girl and a below average actress. The best thing about IHLS was ironically their pairing, since both are visually perfect for chocolate teenage crushes and given their limited acting skills they do not overshadow one another. As a directorial debut of Punit Malhotra the film is not bad, cinematography is excellent and music pleasant. Unfortunatelly the story itself is terribly weak and clichéd. At the very beggining J (Imran Khan) complains about the Bollywood films being all the same, starting with the hero not believing in love and ending with him being hopelessly infatuated (or better yet – married). A ironically this is the very plot of IHLS, without any inovative idea or even a bigger twist. From this point of view the movie can be described as pointless. It shows us that even a well tailored film can be a terrible bore. After few minutes I realized I´m only waiting for the moments when Imran´s fat friend appears on the screen in one of his absolutely amazing T-shirts.

Aisha

Directed by: Rajshree Ojha

Starring: Sonam Kapoor, Abhay Deol, Amrita Puri, Ira Dubey, Cyrus Sahukar

Only little things saved Aisha before sinking even lower then IHLS. As a fan of Jane Austen´s books I was very much curious about how would Bollywood deal with her novel Emma. Well, not that well. The basic story stays the same, but there is nothing of its original charm. The blame rests with Sonam Kapoor. The only movie she has not managed to kill off so far has ben her debut Saawariya, and that only because Sanjay Bhansali has a magical ability to make even a wooden table act. Aisha stands and falls with Sonam´s performance, that is simply bad. She has no idea a thing like voice modulation exists, her expressions are non-existent, her screen-presence equals to zero. Her advantage is her beauty, but that can hardly save a film. Plus points of Aisha coudl have been capable Abhay Deol, good music, nice costumes and a beautifully fresh debutant Amrita Puri. But is Sonam Kapoor „acts“ in her father´s production project, everything is bound to be focused on Sonam, Sonam and Sonam. And so Abhay and pretty much everybody is unforgivably sidelined. Sonam Kapoor is a living proof that talent is not automatically inherited.

Action Replayy

Directed by: Vipul Shah

Starring: Akshay Kumar, Aishwarya Rai, Aditya Roy Kapoor

Story about a guy who travels to the past to change unpleasant present is not exactly original. The best movie ever based on this thought has to be the popular American series „Return to the future“, which for me personally is one of my favourites and most enjoyable movies I´ve seen. While „Return to the future“ has a very realistic touch (in spite of dealing with very much unrealistic theme), Action Replayy borders with fairytales. And the story develops in a similarly naive way. Either you have the feeling Kishen (Aditya Roy) is not doing anything, or he is doing some truly silly stuff (best example and the worst case being the singing contest). Visually the film is very colourful, sometimes so sugary colourful you might feel slightly sick. The best performance is by Aditya Roy. I have never been impressed with Akshay Kumar as an actor, and he did not convince me otherwise in this, but I guess we could describe hims as „good“. I was looking forward to see Aishwarya, however as „old“ I wanted to slap her and as „young“ she was annoyingly over the top. But still – you can forgive her a lot because she is simply beautiful to look at and is a great dancer. Average movie that doesn´t really give you anything.

Anjaana Anjaani

Directed by: Siddhart Anand

Starring: Ranbir Kapoor, Priyanka Chopra

How two self-murderers lived happily ever afer. When I was watching the film for the first time, I was a little schoked and a little excited, because you cannot také away from it that it is original and has many unexpected situations. But then I wanted to re-watch it and found out it lacks any serious repeat value. What bugged me throughout was the setting – what was the point of it all happening America. Change New York to Mumbai and it will not have any effect on the story whatsoever. Also some morbid joking may not be too easy to digest and one questions himself if the jokes have not passed the border of good taste already. Ranbir Kapoor is possibly my favourite actor out of the new lot and he does not disappoint. Priyanka was a darling when happy and silly, but the emotional scenes were not all that convincing, and some even looked too fake. But yeah, as somebody else has pointed out elsewhere, the film does show you she has the most stunning legs. The Ranbir/Priyanka jodi was new and refreshing, even though more they look like buddies and not lovers. The main hero of the film is the soundtrack.

Break Ke Baad

Directed by: Danish Aslam

Starring: Imran Khan, Deepika Padukone

Again I was a bit uncomfortable with most of the film taking place outside India, this time in Australia (btw shot in Mauritius) with no real reason. Again we are meeting Imran Khan, but in a much better film. Imran is an actor completely dependant on the script, direction and co-star. And to give him Deepika was a hit into the bull´s eye! Their chemistry is very natural, their interaction as well. Cute, uncomplicated story about what happens when your best friend (and boyfriend) starts to get on your nerves is pretty much comparable with I hate luv storys, because here too the level of predictability is fairly high, still it deserves a much better rating. Deepika was a pleasant surprise for me. I already liked her as both Shanti and Sandhya in Om Shanti Om, but she was a little lost beside Shahrukh Khan. From this point of view Imran compliments her greatly and gives her space to shine. And more – her Aaliya is nothing like the characters I´ve seen her playing before and to me it proved Deepika has a truly great potential and is versatile. She does not play herself over and over again like Sonam (no, I have no love for Sonam). As a lover of pre-2000 Bollywod I´m always happy to detect hints to older films, here it was for example Mr. India and Tezaab.

Jhootha Hi Sahi

Directed by: Abbas Tyrewala
Starring: John Abraham, Pakhi Tyrewala

John Abraham is not my idol, but I find him a very likeable actor. With Jhootha Hi Sahi he shed off the "useless sex-symbol I do not find sexy" tag he had in my book previously. The film about a guy who by a printing mistake becomes a part of a help line for people on the verge of commiting suicide turns out to be a sweet romantic film, not exactly a comedy but still lighthearted and giving you several genuine laughs. The leading pair, which has a freash and cute vibe to it, is supported by a bunch of entertaining friends, every single one of them captured with all their chief characteristics even in not that big scope given to them individually. Jhootha Hi Sahi was another undeserved flop of 2010.

Band Baaja Baraat

Directed by: Maneesh Sharma

Starring: Anushka Sharma, Ranveer Singh

The last film I´m going to mention here came to the theaters only in December, but quickly became a hit. Deservingly. More then capable directorial venture of debutant Maneesh Sharma, great dialogues, excellent soundtrack and most of all powerful performances by Anushka and Ranveer – all that raises „BBB“ as the film is often called, to the best romcom of the last year. Though your intuition tells you how it is going to end, the way to the finish is completely unpredictable. It is really entertaining watching the two young people in their attempts to create a successful company with all the problems that might come along. Humour is always spot on and never over the top. Ranveer and Anushka create a very natural jodi, they look comfotable with each other. None of them has classical beauty, but their charisma substitutes for that and their talent is unquestionable. Anushka proves once again that she is possibly the best newcomer of the past decade. Ranveer as debutant deserves an honourable mention. The great plus of the film is the sense of reality, be it in the way the characters dress, talk or how Delhi is presented. On the top of all that the movie feels beautifully desi.

Sonam Kapoor adressed Mrs. Sonam Kapoor

The young, sizling and really hot actress of Delhi 6 is the new brand ambassador of Spice Mobiles, which is the gold sponsor for WIFW. This hot actress was very much amused when she was addressed as Mrs. Sonam Kapoor at the Wills Lifestyle India Fashion Week (WIFW). Sonam kapoor who has came to attend designers Anjana and Ankita Bhargav's late night show on Thursday, could not control out laughing when she was called "Mrs. Sonam Kapoor" by the comperer to announce her association with Spice mobile.

But the faux pas was rectified immediately.

The actress instead of being the showstopper, had chosen to sit in the front row and watch the models and clothes. She said "I have come here to watch the show, not to walk the ramp. But I am happy to be here," Sonam told reporters after the show. She was the only Bollywood attraction at WIFW Thursday.

Asked what's keeping her busy these days, Sonam said: "I am working on 'I Hate Love Stories' these days." Being made under Dharma Productions, "I Hate Love Stories" also features Imran Khan and is being directed by Punit Malhotra.